my ex situationship is leaving and i don't know how i feel about it
Look, I know we should stop coming up with new words, but human relationships shouldn't be that complicated. You either go out with someone or you don't, you are either friends or you're not, you either like each other or you don't.
Unfortunately life isn't as black and white as we would like to, and we're never completely honest with ourselves. Unless we're doing it for the clicks.
I've never really got into dating, not because I didn't want to, but it simply never happened for me and has been one of my greatest cause of shame in my teen years. So I spent years trying to unlearn that and building a life I was content with that didn't revolve around dating. I also don't like the apps, so that leaves a very small window where meeting people romantically could actually happen. And I don't like airy spaces.
That said, last spring something magical happened, we had new additions to the team at work and for the first time in a very long time I fancied someone that liked me back.
So we flirted, went out on a couple of dates, got to know each other and it didn't work out. We realized that our personalities didn't match and I'm grateful we found this out at the very beginning. People sometimes take years to discover they don't actually like each other or they hold onto broken relationships to avoid facing loneliness or failure or societal pressure.
One of the reasons we didn't work out was our different approach to the job, which is absolutely wonderful when you meet at the workplace and they become your boss. It was weird for a while because of that, but then I decided to address the elephant in the room, because I couldn't let him think that the reason I was upset with him was because I was still interested. I just thought he was a shitty boss!
Once that was made clear, we had an okay acquaintanceship (sorry, I said we should stop coming up with new words, but that doesn't apply to me, obviously) and now he is leaving to conquer new worlds. I was invited to his goodbye party last week and that made me think about the whole thing, how I was grateful that he helped me realize I wasn't completely unlovable and I was also capable of feeling human feelings (weird, do not recommend) and content about how things went.
With him gone, I think I will miss having someone to vilify and reminiscing about the time I was almost like other girls; but he's joining the company where one of my friends works so I'll probably still have plenty of chances to do that. It's weird though and it makes me realize that people are allowed to leave, even the ones that you'd like to see disappear in the rearview mirror.